two years ago

Two years ago I left work with a feeling.

A feeling that my life was about to change.

A feeling that I'd have a bunch of exciting phone calls to make!

A feeling like Drew was going to get the biggest news of his life too.

It was a good feeling.

Especially once I saw this

and realized it was all true.

April 20, 2009

April 2010 - 4 months old

April 2011 - 16 months old

How in the world has it been 2 years already?  I really have a hard time remembering what life was like before Asher came along.  These have been the most exciting, hardest, terrific, and exhausting 2 years of my life.  I am oh-so-grateful for every minute!

welcome december

December is, and always will be, a special month for me.  I have always loved Christmas and looked forward to all the unique celebrations, music, and decorations that accompany the holiday season.  However, the fact that Asher was born last December has elevated this chilly month to a whole new level.

Last December 1st I was 37 weeks pregnant.

Holy belly!

This year I get to play with this little sweetie.

Happy December everyone - I can't believe it's here again already.

at first sight

One year ago today I got my first glimpse of Asher.

One year ago today I found out that he was a boy.

One year ago today I fell in love at first yawn sight.

Sometimes I can't believe the same baby I saw on that ultrasound screen is the same one that I hugged and kissed today.

Sometimes I can.

one year ago today

My life changed forever in the best possible way.

On a cool and rainy late April day I came home from work with a suspicion that had to be confirmed or denied immediately.

A scant 2 minutes later I was looking at this:

Then in a rush of euphoria, I ran over to Walgreens and a scant 25 minutes and 2 liters of water later I was looking at this:

What a joyful day!  Even though Drew and I had been hoping to get pregnant it had been about 7 months since we started trying and I'd sort of come to expect that the test would be negative.  The quick positive was so exciting!

I had told Drew earlier in the day that I might try to test that evening, but I didn't call him right away.  Once he got home from work I waited for him to ask about it.  He didn't. 

I guess he figured I'd say something if it was good news!  Well, I told him to go check for something in the bathroom and he froze while going through the mail and just said, "Are you serious?"  He couldn't believe it either!  We were both so excited we called our families that same night and shared the wonderful news!

18 weeks later I saw my baby boy for the first time.  Even in 2D black and white he was beautiful.

Then he arrived in person and I couldn't believe my eyes.  It's true what they say, you really do fall in love instantly.  When they wisked him away to get oxygen after he was born I actually tried to get out of bed to follow him.  My doctor told me to lay still because you simply can't just hop up after pushing for 3 hours and walk across the room.  I conceded, but didn't take my eyes off of him. 

Would you?

Now he's a vibrant boy who loves to laugh, smile, and play.  What a difference a year makes.  This time last year I knew someone was coming to change my life.  Now I have my Asher.  And I wouldn't change a thing.

pregnancy: epilogue

Asher was due to be born on December 19, 2009.

Now, I know that most babies aren't born on their due dates, so when I spoke to my doctor at my 36 week appointment and we decided to schedule an induction for December 16th I was great with that.

I just assumed the 16th would be the big day since {from what I'd read and heard} most 1st babies are born after their due dates when left to their own devices. I honestly never expected Asher to come before my induction was started.

Because of this assumption I planned out the week accordingly. Starting with my last day of work {1 week before the 16th}, I had things scheduled each day leading up to the time I'd go pick my Mom up from the airport on December 15th.

Then, on the evening of December 12th, my water broke. I was completely shocked. You'd think someone who was 39 weeks pregnant would be prepared for this possibility, but I really wasn't. I was convinced that there was some alternative explanation for all of this fluid. Even once we got to the hospital and I was checked into triage whenever someone would ask what brought me in I'd say that I thought my water broke. Finally {after the 3rd time I said this} Drew spoke up and said, "Em, it's ok to admit it. Just tell them that your water broke. We're pretty sure by now!"

Oh, ok. Of course, he was completely right.

Things moved pretty fast from there and a scant 17 hours later Asher was born.

I was thrilled to meet my baby {finally!}, but here's the thing. I loved being pregnant! Sure there were times in the first trimester when I was feeling too sick to get off the couch. And there were times in the third trimester when my back would ache and I couldn't wait to sleep on my stomach again. But, for the most part, I had a really easy, really enjoyable pregnancy.

I loved feeling Asher kick around in there! I loved having him with me all the time. I felt like I had a secret that other people could see, but no one else truly knew. What a special, wonderful time of life.

And that's why I'm writing this. When my baby was born on December 13th, I wasn't mentally prepared. I thought Asher and I would have 3 more days together and although those 3 days don't seem like much, I needed them to say goodbye and finish our time together in that way.

So, here's my goodbye. For 39 weeks and 1 day, I carried my sweet baby inside me. He grew from little microscopic bits of nothing into a beautiful boy that I love dearly. To carry him and experience a healthy pregnancy is such an amazing gift to have been given.

I will always remember the day {April 20, 2009} that I first discovered I was pregnant.

I will always remember the first time I heard Asher's heart beating.

I will always remember seeing him on the ultrasound and learning that he was a boy.

This was our beginning. I can't wait to live the rest of the journey with you.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.

Jeremiah 1:5

welcoming asher

I put together a slide show video of photos to remember my pregnancy and Asher's first month with us. It was so easy to do and I love having all these photos in one place!

There's music too, so turn on your sound!

baby quilt

It's finally done!

Yesterday I managed to finish the baby's quilt that I've been working on for the past few months. A lot of that time was wasted because my sewing machine broke. This quilt was a lot easier to make than my first attempt. I don't have a specific idea of how it will be used right now. Mostly I just want baby bean to have a comfy quilt to cuddle with or play on.

My mom made me quilts growing up and they were always my favorite blankets to use. I want my baby to have those same memories!

I started small (since he'll be small), but will make something bigger if he wants one someday! The colors and patterns don't exactly scream "baby" but I like it.

Basically I'm just glad the thing is staying together and that the pattern looks (mostly) planned on purpose.

In other news, my first day at home was very productive! Although I am super tired today, so maybe I overdid it a bit. Yesterday I managed to:

1) finish the quilt

2) make + freeze 2 cookie doughs

3) run several errands

4) wrap Christmas presents

5) do 2 loads of laundry

Just 5 (or fewer) days until the bean arrives!

first day off work

Today is my first day at home. The baby isn't here yet, but I decided to take a few days before he arrives to get some things done at home and just re-adjust my mindset. I think it would be really disorienting to go straight from working in the lab to being a mommy. These few days should be great.

Plus I'm not sleeping well at night and having the freedom to nap whenever I want is a luxury I need to take advantage of before it's too late!

However there's always a catch.

Before I had a chance to get too comfy at home I remembered that I forgot to give my boss back the lab Procurement Credit Card yesterday. Great.

This isn't something that I feel comfortable mailing in, so I'll be making a trip back to the lab! I just can't stay away.

Over the next few days my goals include walking as much as possible and eating lots of pineapple to encourage the bean along. I guess one more trip back to work won't mess with this too much!

the end, the beginning, the drop

Today is my last day of work for...I'm not sure how long. As I mentioned a few months ago, with the birth of this baby I'm starting a new career as stay-at-home Mom!

I know this isn't something that every family can do and I feel so blessed and lucky to have this chance.

While I'm really excited to have all of my time available to spend with the bean I'm also pretty nervous about what my new life will look like. Ever since I graduated from college I've been working. If you haven't been able to tell yet I love having a schedule. Work provides this. Babies do not.

Things will undoubtedly be different, but I'm confident that, with time, the bean and I will figure out a new "normal" together. I can't wait!

Since today is my last day of work, tomorrow starts my final baby countdown to-do list. I am (really, honestly) going to finish his quilt today. After that, over the next 6 days, I need to make some cookie dough and clean the house. Assuming I don't go into labor this should be very do-able. In fact, if doing all of this puts me into labor I won't complain.

If the bean doesn't force his own early timetable then in just 1 WEEK I'll be in the hospital getting ready to meet my little boy.

OH MY.

Drew and I try not to talk about it in those terms too often because it's just too anxiety inducing exciting.

In other news, I think that winter has finally reached Cleveland. We've had pretty mild weather so far this fall, but Mother Nature looks ready to hit us good.

Check out the temperature drop between today and tomorrow.

Yikes.

Let's all pray that things warm up a little and the snow stays away for my trip to the hospital next week!

38 weeks

Another week down -- we made it to 38 weeks!

How funny is this shirt?

It's the same one that I was wearing for this 17 week photo -- much difference?

I think the baby grew a little over the past 21 weeks.

I've been having lots of signs that the bean is ready to make his appearance, but I'm pleading with him to wait a few more days. There are only 8 days until my induction and I would really love for him to come on the 16th.

On one hand, starting labor naturally is much much preferable.

But.

On the other hand, I have a couple of reasons (purely selfish) for wanting to wait until the 16th:

1) my to-do list is scheduled out evenly over the next 7 days

2) my Mom has a plane ticket to arrive on the 15th

3) my in-laws will be back from Florida and able to come meet the bean by then

All of these things are flexible -- our parents can change their travel plans and if the cookie dough doesn't get made it will be ok. Truly I have everything done that needs to be done for the baby to arrive, so whenever he wants to come I'll be excited!

Today is my 38 week OB appointment, so we'll see if any progress has been made since 36 weeks. Stay tuned!

How far along: 38 weeks
Net weight gain: 25 lbs.
Maternity clothes: made of some pretty amazing material (see photos above)

Stretch marks: nope
Belly button: out/flat -- weird
Sleep: getting worse -- lots of hot flashes and bathroom breaks

Baby movement: slowing down a little

Food cravings: caramel popcorn, yum!
Food aversions: nothing, very hungry

What I miss: sleeping on my stomach

Looking forward to: the 1 week countdown!
Best moment this week: our last date night as a childless couple on Saturday

Milestones: the bean is totally ready and could meet us any day now...

springing a leek?

I'm still here.

That's right, we made it to 38 weeks!

Baby Center claims that the baby is now about 19.5 inches, about as long as a leek.

He weighs almost 7 pounds and is ready to spring this joint at any time!

I'm not quite ready to insist he leave yet. As much as I'm growing weary of the backaches, hip pain, and nasal congestion I really like having him so close.

There won't ever be another time when he is so warm and safe.
There won't ever be another time when he is so easily moved from place to place.
There won't ever be another time when he is this quiet.

That said, I also desperately want to kiss his little cheeks and snuggle into that new baby smell!

Tomorrow is my 38 week OB appointment, so we'll see if any progress has been made towards a delivery date!

let's pick a birthday - remix

Since I now know the latest date that baby bean will make his appearance I decided to make a new poll. Shameless copying off of Jocelyn is my new favorite thing to do.

Currently we have:

1 vote for Nov 29 - Dec 5
3 votes for Dec 6 - 12
14 votes for Dec 13 - 18
1 vote for Dec 19
9 votes for later than Dec 19

I have reset the poll to be daily, so feel free to vote again if you want!

---------------------------------------

One thing I've noticed since entering the 9th month is that people are really starting to pay attention to what I do and where I am. There are a couple good stories relating to this from the past few days.

1) Monday morning Drew accidentally "butt dialed" his parents at 6:00am while putting his Blackberry in his pocket. When they saw that it was him they both assumed it was baby-related and bolted out of bed, ready to hop in the car for the 7 hour drive to Cleveland. Luckily they got him on the phone before starting to drive!

2) Then on Wednesday I didn't have anything interesting to post here, so I simply didn't. Apparently this lack of blogging got the attention of my friend Karen (hi, Karen!) who immediately wondered if I was in the hospital. Don't worry Karen, we'll give you a call when the big day comes! :o)

3) Yesterday I decided to take off from work and get some stuff done around the house. Of course, I called my boss to let him know, but I didn't think about telling any co-workers. They all assumed I was gone for good and were pretty surprised to see me this morning!

4) Just this morning I called Drew around 7:00 (which I do every day, by the way) and the first thing he said, before 'hello' was "Is this it? Do I need to come get you?"

It's so sweet of everyone to be on high alert for us! There aren't too many times in life when people will assume that an early morning phone call or lack of blog posting correlates to you being hospitalized.

I already told Drew that he needs to bring his laptop when we go in for the big show. Once I'm all hooked up to the epidural and cruising through labor (hey, a girl can dream -- it is Christmas after all) I'll post updates on how we're doing.

Or maybe I'll just take a nap. We'll see.

Have a great weekend!

the final countdown

We have an end date!

At my 37 week appointment on Tuesday my doctor suggested an induction date of Wednesday 12/16 and I'm going for it!

It's still totally possible that the bean will decide to arrive before then, but it feels good to know that we won't be waiting beyond the 16th.

Having that knowledge is the good part.

The fact that it's now less than 2 weeks away is the scary part!

As anxious as I am to meet the bean (and finally announce his name!) I'm also pretty nervous about actually having a newborn to care for. It feels like there are still lots of things to get done around here. In reality, we're all set with the priority items. We have all of the baby stuff washed, set up, and battery powered.

The things I still need to finish include:

1) making Christmas cookie dough to freeze now and bake later
2) thoroughly cleaning the house (including all those little spots that always get overlooked, like the baseboards and behind the bed) Can you say nesting?!
3) finishing the baby quilt
4) buying and wrapping the last couple Christmas gifts

We'll see how much actually gets done!

37 weeks

The bean is full term!

I have to admit that throughout this whole pregnancy part of me has been waiting for something bad to happen. At first there was the fear of a miscarriage, then later of pre-term birth and months in the NICU. At this point, however, it seems pretty sure that we are actually going to have a baby and that he'll be born ready to breathe on his own!

God has blessed us so abundently!

Today is another weekly OB appointment, but I'm not expecting anything exciting. I'll get the results of my Group B Strep test, but that's about it. I decided to opt out of a cervical check this week. Either I'll go into labor or I won't -- there's no point in knowing more details at this point.

We still have the option of doing a voluntary induction at 39 weeks, but I'm really hoping that won't happen. My best case scenario would be to go into labor naturally and have some time to labor at home before heading into the hospital.

We'll see what happens!

By the way -- anybody need a "Mary" for a live nativity? I don't claim to be carrying a Savior, but I am quite round and not the least bit afraid of stable dwelling livestock.

How far along: 37 weeks

Net weight gain: 23 lbs.

Maternity clothes: the bands on my jeans are getting uncomfortably tight

Stretch marks: not yet

Belly button: out for the remainder, I assume

Sleep: interrupted by lots of bathroom breaks
Baby movement: still very strong -- he wants out!

Food cravings: peanut butter Smidgens

Food aversions: nothing, very hungry
What I miss: having more constant moods (I think this is Drew's pick too)

Looking forward to: finishing the baby quilt

Best moment this week: getting a pedicure with my mom-in-law!

Milestones: the bean is full term!

lettuce out

I think that's the anthem the bean and I are singing together.

Based on his very strong pushes and punches I assume he's getting tired of being smooshed in there and wants out soon. I'm cool with that.

Over the weekend we reached 37 weeks! That means the bean is full-term!

In some ways I'm really excited about this (we'll meet him soon!) but in other ways I'm a little sad (this special time is almost over...). The great news is that he could be born any day and would be completely developed.

Baby Center claims that he is about the length of a stalk of Swiss Chard (19 inches) and is 6.3 pounds. At this point all babies are a little different, so I'm not sure how much stock (stalk? haha) I put in this.

At any rate, we're doing great. I feel more tired and achy than ever, but I know it's for a good cause. I'm also starting to have some major mood swings -- which I thought were supposed to come after the birth -- but can't be fun for anyone else. I literally go from crying to happy to grumpy in a matter of minutes. Awesome.

Thankfully I feel like I can indulge a lot of my exhaustion with naps and general laziness. Most of the baby prep is finished. The nursery is stocked and ready for a little one. We have diapers, clean clothes, and lots of blankets. What else could a bean want?

Oh, and we have a Christmas stocking for him! Now I just have to finish getting ready for the holidays and we'll be all set.

36 weeks

So much to tell this week!

The bean and I are in our 36th week together. That means we have fewer than 4 weeks left before he joins Drew and I at home! Yay!

Yesterday I went to see my OB and got an appointment with all the bells and whistles. She did the Group B Strep test, an internal exam, checked the heartbeat, measured my fundal height (belly size), and determined the baby's orientation in there.

So, how did we do...

• Group B Strep results will be in next week -- update then
• strong heartbeat = healthy baby!
• fundal height is 35.5 cm (it often slows towards the end, so this is fine)
• baby is head down!
• cervix is 70% effaced and 1cm dialated

All of this is great news and means we're moving in a positive direction towards having a baby in the next few weeks. Since there was so much going on during this appointment Drew came along too. We asked the doctor what our chances of having the bean at home before Christmas were and she surprised us by saying that if we want to induce at 39 weeks that's an option!

Once I get checked at my 39 week appointment we'll see if there has been any additional progress and make a decision then. From what I understand the bean will just be putting on weight during these last few weeks and shouldn't have any problems coming out a week early.

Anyone out there have an induction and feel one way or the other about it?

Hopefully baby boy will decide to join us for Christmas all on his own!

How far along: 36 weeks
Net weight gain: 22 lbs.
Maternity clothes: getting a little boring

Stretch marks: not yet
Belly button: popped like a turkey timer
Sleep: good for the most part

Baby movement: surprisingly strong at this point
Food cravings: pumpkin pie!!
Food aversions: nothing, very hungry again

What I miss: getting out of bed or off the couch without rolling off
Looking forward to: seeing Drew's parents this weekend
Best moment this week: learning that the bean is in a great position for delivery!
Milestones: the bean is plumping up for life outside the womb

melon, what?

A few days ago the bean turned 36 weeks!

Less than 30 days to go -- wow. I'm feeling a mixed bag of excited and anxious. Drew helps a lot with the excited part because he is so excited to meet the bean. He claims I've been "hogging" him so far and is anxious to get his hands on the little guy.

I think that most of my anxiety revolves around what life will be like post-birth. Sure, I'm nervous about the labor and delivery portion of things, but I recognize that for the brief time that it is. At some point not too long after the big push (-es), those doctors and nurses will actually let us take him home.

As in out of the hospital. Away from people who know what the heck they're doing.

However, in the words of our new pediatrician,

Some anxiety is good. If you aren't a little anxious, you probably aren't a good parent. Parents who are too laid back don't check on their babies when the kids are really quiet for a long time. That's bad.

Haha -- I guess things will be ok.

I'm so grateful that both my parents and Drew's parents are planning to be available (at different times) to help us get settled and comfortable at home once baby bean arrives. That's the backup I need!

This week baby boy is the size of a crenshaw melon.

Seriously? A what?

I'm getting impatient with these silly comparisons. However, with only 4 weeks to go my OCD won't let me stop posting them now. Sorry everyone.

The baby now weighs about 6 pounds and is 18.5 inches long. From here on out he will be gaining about 0.5 ounce every day!

This afternoon starts my every week OB visits. Today we're going to check the baby's position to make sure he is head down and ready to exit. My OB is also going to do an internal exam and see if I'm starting to progress at all.

Since this is extremely personal information you can be sure I'll post it here tomorrow.

let's pick a birthday!

Since I realized yesterday that I am only 30 days (now 29!) away from my due date, I've been obsessing thinking a bit about when the bean will make his debut. Then I was reading Jocelyn's blog this morning and saw the awesome "Baby Arrival" poll she added.

I love the idea and am shamelessly copying it here!

Our bean has a due date of December 19th. When do you think he will actually arrive?

Please vote at the poll on the right!

In other news, I met with our soon-t0-be pediatrician yesterday. It was great to meet with him and get a sense of what he feels is most important for our baby.

I was fairly certain we would get along just fine -- there was only 1 thing that made me nervous and necessitated this visit.

When I called to make the "meet and greet" appointment, I spoke with the doctor directly and he mentioned that meeting on Thursdays was best for him. Ok, that's fine by me.

However, he couldn't meet last Thursday because he was:

celebrating his mother's 100th BIRTHDAY!

That's great, except, well...how old must that make him?! I didn't want to start a relationship with a pediatrician who would be retiring next year or who seemed too out of touch and "set in his ways."

Thankfully that wasn't the case at all! He is certainly in his 60s (at least?), but seemed very, um, hardy? That seems like a weird way to put it, but is very true. I feel confident that he is on top of things and will be a great caretaker for my precious little one.

Plus, his office is right down the street from my house. :o) Let's not forget the practical side of things here.

Find a pediatrician, check. Another big item off the list!

Don't forget to vote and have a wonderful weekend!

he was with the maasai before this

I'm convinced that Drew was a Maasai warrior in a previous life.

Not so much because he defends our home with spears and orinka (clubs), but because of his capacity for battle readiness from dead sleep.

The other night around 3:30 I was stumbling back to bed after going to the bathroom and I misjudged where I was. Getting in and out of bed is a bit of a production these days under the best circumstances. Adding in pitch-black darkness and the half-asleep state that I was in didn't help matters.

As I was raising my leg to swing myself back into bed, my knee bumped into my nightstand.

That's all.

Not a bang, not a crash...

A small bump and {probably} a grunt from me. I didn't knock over the lamp or cry out in pain. It really wasn't a big deal -- much less so than, say, stubbing a toe on the bed frame would have been.

Drew disagreed.

No sooner had I bumped my knee than he was sitting straight up and was over to my side of the bed asking if I was ok. Seriously, maybe he was in some kind of dream state, but it was amazing! I guess the bean and I really have him on high alert these days.

He didn't seem willing to take my word for it that, "yes, I'm fine. I just bumped my knee. No, I'm not in labor. Yes, the baby is fine. Mostly he's just tired and wants to get back in bed."

All this time I'm still standing next to the bed waiting for him to move so I could get in.

Eventually I had to shove him gently {I hope it was gently} and explain {more clearly, apparently} that I just wanted to get in bed and go back to sleep.

This calmed the warrior down and he was snoring again before I knew it.

What a sweetie -- so concerned about my well being. Don't worry, warrior friend, when the bean and I need you there won't be any question!

---------------------------------------------------------

As a sidenote....check out my ticker at the top of the blog.

Only 30 days to go!!

all packed up

I mentioned on Monday that I packed my various "baby" bags over the weekend. Heather asked that I post a list of the things I packed and I'm happy to do so!

While Drew and I were taking childbirth education classes we compiled quite a list of things we would like to have available both during labor and in the few days I'll be recovering at the hospital. Plus, I guess, we'll end up needing some things for a certain little bean that will be coming home with us.

Because of this I ended up with 3 separate bags that need to come along for the ride.

My labor bag has lots of things that {I hope} will be helpful in getting me through labor and delivery.

Inside you'll find:

• rice filled heat wrap
• washcloth {for a fresh, not hospital, -smelling cool face cloth}
• Listerine Pocket Pacs {I hate, hate having bad breath}
• cinnamon scented satchel {the hospital smell really bugs me, can you tell?}
• slippers w/ hard bottom for walking the halls
• Chapstick
• paper plate to use as a fan
• iPod + player
• massaging tool {Nukkles}
• warm socks
• inexpensive robe
• Photo/focal point to focus on
• birth ball
• all our notes on breathing techniques + labor positions
• unscented massage cream
• popsicles {not allowed to have real food}
• book {in case the epidural happens and I can actually relax!}

Then, of course, I need some things for the 2-4 day hospital stay after the baby is born.

In this suitcase I have:

• sweatpants {$5 each from Wal-Mart in case they get, um, yucky}
• nursing tops
• nursing PJ gowns {in case I have a C-section and don't want to wear pants}
• toiletries
• phone cards
• more socks
• maternity jeans to wear home {again, if I feel up to having any kind of real clothes on}
• nursing pads + lanolin cream
• nursing bras
• granola bars for when I can finally eat again!

The hospital provides most of what the baby will need during his first few days, but I plan to bring a few things along anyway.

In his diaper bag is:

• 2 coming home outfits:
• 1 in size newborn
• 1 in size 0-3 months {in case we have a BIG boy!}
• warm, fleece hat for the ride home
• a few diapers + wipes
• burp cloth
• pacifiers {I don't plan to use these for awhile, but you bet I'll have 1 on hand just in case}
• 2 blankets
• sample sized baby toiletries, including lotion, diaper rash cream, Purell, etc.

That's about it! I know it sounds like a lot, but it easily fit in a small suitcase, gym bag, and diaper bag. Drew has the option of staying at the hospital with me overnight, so if he isn't going home we want to have everything already with us!

Now all we need is a reason to put them in the car!