can't get enough

The baby bean has been kicking like crazy recently.

I don't know what happened over the past 2 days, but I've really noticed an increase in both frequency and intensity of the kicks. It's amazing!

Honestly, I feel so connected to this little being. My bean is a real person in there! I've known it was a baby for the past 21 weeks, but there's something about feeling it move and respond to me that took the reality to a whole new level.

I could stay this amount of pregnant for a long, long time. There are a couple reasons for this.

1) I'm not too big yet, so sleep and living in general aren't a problem.
2) I'm big enough that I look pregnant, which I find really satisfying
3) The baby is moving so much that I can feel it from the inside and out -- I love that!
4) I don't think about my body image at all. It's so freeing to know that I'm gaining weight and getting bigger for the best possible reason I can imagine. I feel strong and powerful to be able to do such an amazing thing!

Today is a really happy day for me. I can't stop smiling with every little kick I feel. I love my baby more than ever. Does it get better than this? I know it does, but I'm having trouble imagining it now!

I wrote all this down so in a few weeks when this same baby is keeping me up all night I can look back and remember how naive and dreamy I was. And hopefully rekindle some of it!

Or maybe when he/she is a teenager and is too embarrassed to be seen with me, I'll read this again and remember our sweet beginnings.

I love you baby bean, no matter what.

There's a song I first heard in college and liked, but didn't really start to understand until now. It's by Sara Groves (whom I highly recommend):

You Cannot Lose My Love

You will lose your baby teeth • At times you'll lose your faith in me • You will lose a lot of things • But you cannot lose my love • • You may lose your appetite • Your guiding sense of wrong and right • You may lose your will to fight • But you cannot lose my love • • You will lose your confidence • In times of trial your common sense • You may lose your innocence • But you cannot lose my love • • Many things can be misplaced • Your very memories be erased • No matter what the time or space • You cannot lose my love • • You cannot lose • You cannot lose • You cannot lose my love • •


I think I've started to get a glimpse of how God feels about me. That's pretty cool.