for i am with you

Asher has most definitely been having a hard few days.  We had another little incident of separation anxiety {terror?} at the grocery store yesterday.  While cruising down aisle 5 I stepped two feet away from the cart to grab a bag of rice.  In the 20 seconds it took me to choose a bag Asher started crying - I mean, wailing - for his mama.  I rushed back, asking him what was wrong and a helpful lady who was also standing there mentioned that when I stepped away I went behind a cardboard display and he couldn't see me.

Poor guy thought I abandoned him in the grocery store!  I have to agree with him that of all the places to become a foundling, the supermarket isn't on my top 10 list either.  It's above the DMV, but way below the library.

It might seem ridiculous to us {as adults} that a child could get legitimately scared when their parent is only a few feet away, but for quite a few years kids have this inability to logically separate subtle differences. 

If my mom is out of sight, she's gone - regardless if that's 2 feet gone or moved to New Zealand gone.

It's the same reason that some previously splash happy children start to scream and fight at bath time.  They  suddenly become terrified by the bath tub water draining away.  They can't comprehend that the water will go down the drain, but they won't get sucked down as well. 

If every bath was a potential life threatening situation you wouldn't want to get in the tub either!

Luckily for us, baths are still ok around here. {knock on wood...}  It's the being-under-the-watchful-eyes-of-adults-who-aren't-Mom that we take issue with.

But you know what - this too will pass.  I'm not writing this to complain.  I'm really not.  We'll make it and are making it as I speak.  Mostly I just want to share our experiences because I am 100% sure there are other parents out there whose toddlers are going through this same stage of separation anxiety and I want you to know that you aren't alone!

To get through this stage I'm trying to be consistent about doing a few things.  Let me know if you have other ideas as well!  First and foremost, I try to have more patience.  It's all too easy for me to fall into the "Asher, you're being silly - just relax" mentality.  Empathy for his true fears is essential.  I also give Asher extra hugs when he's upset, but still encourage him to be independent.  Even though Asher cries {and it breaks my heart} I continue to leave him in the church nursery {with instructions that they call me if he hasn't calmed down in fifteen minutes}.  I give him a big hug and kiss and remind him of what God tells us in Isaiah 43:5...

Do not be afraid, for I am with you.

Then I pray with him:  "God, help Asher to remember that you are with him and not to be afraid."

It's not a quick fix, magic solution - he's still upset - but speaking and praying scripture into his life is something that I want to do as often as possible.  God is always with him and that's something I pray he remembers throughout his life.  Shoot - sometimes I need that reminder as well!

What more perfect time of year to remember that God is with us than at Christmas.  Emmanuel literally means God with us.  In preparation for Christmas, we've been reading Asher's board book "The Story of Christmas" a lot.  He loves this book and it does a great job of simply explaining the true meaning of Christmas.  While reading we often go off track and talk about the pictures - pointing out the animals, star, hay, etc.  Every time I point to Mary and ask who it is he says "Mama!" then I point to Joseph and he says "Dada!".  Any guess who baby Jesus is??

"Asher!" {of course}

ha ha - guess I  can't blame him too much.  He is always the baby in our photos at home!  Plus, I'm secretly happy to know that a little bit of baby Jesus is in my arms every day. 

and in our dump truck - naturally.  :-)