I tried to write about Hadley's birth right after she arrived and failed miserably. I actually did write the story and even posted it here for an hour, so some you might have read it then, but it wasn't right. The event was too fresh and I needed a little perspective.
Hadley's birth was an amazing,
once-in-a-lifetime experience. It was awe inspiring and I feel blessed to have been there. At the same time, I was a little traumatized afterwards because very little of it went how I expected.
Let me start at the beginning.
It all started 3 years ago at Asher's birth {
here}. His arrival set my expectations for how my future babies would enter the world. That couldn't have been further from what actually happened. With Asher my water broke at home, I had zero naturally occurring contractions, got Pitocin at the hospital to jump start labor, had an epidural, and pushed for 3 hours before hearing his precious first cries.
Friday October 26, 4:00pm:
All during my 38th and 39th weeks of this pregnancy I was having contractions {not too painful} that would start, become regular, then die off. On Friday, October 26th I started having contractions around 4pm and felt like this might be IT. The midwives I had been seeing warned me several times that second babies come faster and to call them as soon as my contractions were 5 minutes apart for 1 hour. So I did. They said to come on in whenever I wanted to or if the baby stopped moving.
I let Drew know what was going on and called my parents to come get Asher. Mom was planning to go to the hospital with us, but Dad took A home with him. It was hard for me to see him go, knowing it would probably be the last time we were together as a family of three, but I knew he'd have a blast with PopPop and was grateful not to be worried about him.
9:00pm:
My contractions were very regular, but still not too painful - I decided to head to the hospital anyway since I was having trouble feeling Hadley move and got worried that labor was affecting her. When we arrived at the hospital I got checked in quickly and found out I was 3cm, 60% effaced with a bulging bag of water. At my regular checkup the day before I was 3cm, 50% effaced so there was a little progress made but not much. I was told to walk the halls for an hour and get checked again. After that hour there was ZERO change so they sent me home! I couldn't believe it. The midwife wasn't convinced I was in active labor but said to come back if things got more painful.
Well, that was unexpected.
11:00pm:
Drew and I headed home to try to rest and Mom went back to her house. To my immense surprise I actually was able to sleep a bit!
Saturday October 27, 1:00am:
I woke up because I felt a little *pop* and thought it might have been my water breaking {it wasn't}. As soon as I got out of bed the contractions started up again - but very painful this time. I refused to go to the hospital only to be sent home again so I paced around the living room timing my contractions and watching tv. A few minutes later Drew woke up and came looking for me. One look at my face during a contraction and he hightailed it back upstairs to get dressed and call the hospital to let them know we were on our way back.
2:00am:
We got back to the hospital and I was still worried that they would send me back home. Not the case! I was dilated to 4cm and still had a bulging bag of water - plus my pain was about a 5 on the crazy pain scale. I was staying!
There was no way to know how long I'd be in labor so Drew and I decided to call my mom to come once I got my epidural. I was sure I wanted an epidural {had one with Asher and l-o-v-e-d it!} but I didn't want to get it too early and have it be ineffective by the transition/pushing part. At this hospital the anesthesia group requires each patient to get an hour of fluids before they'll put in an epidural. Basically it was up to me to let the nurse know when I thought I had an hour of pain tolerance left in me and they would start the IV.
As soon as my initial workup was done I got into the whirlpool tub on the nurse's recommendation. The pain was really bad at this point - probably a 7 every few minutes - and it was killing me to lay in bed. The jetted tub was wonderful!! Seriously, I was still in major back arching pain, but the water and pounding jets made it endurable. Highly recommend.
3:45am:
I decided it was time to start the fluids so Drew called the nurse and she hooked up my IV right there in the tub. An hour more of this pain was all I was interested in. We also called my mom who was about 35 minutes away. I hadn't been checked {except to listen to her heartbeat} since I got in the tub - no idea what my dilation was at this point.
4:00am:
I felt a HUGE pop and knew immediately that my water had broken. The pain soared to a new level and I shouted for Drew to call the nurse NOW. Everything happened very fast after this - I can remember lots of details, but feel like it was a blur at the same time. It's hard to explain.
The nurse came in seconds later and I already knew I was complete and ready to have this baby. The worst part? I was still in the tub. Getting out of that tub and back to bed was the hardest thing I've ever done. Drew half helped/half carried me back to bed. I kept apologizing for not being able to move. My legs just wouldn't go. I was officially out of the driver's seat on this ride.
Once I got back in bed the nurse checked me and said that I was complete {no kidding} and called for the midwife to come immediately. Suddenly there were 3 nurses and the midwife surrounding my bed, getting the birth stuff set up. I lost sight of Drew and remember asking for him. He'd been pushed back when the medical team flew in but elbowed his way back to my side and stayed there. :-)
As much as I tried not to push there wasn't much choice. Luckily everyone got set up quickly and I was able to do what my body demanded. I never got my epidural and felt everything that was happening. It was both terrifying and amazing.
4:44am:
3 pushes and my precious girl made her debut! Hadley Fern was here! She was put right up on my chest and I felt this surge of joy and relief that she was here, safe and whole.
Her very quick arrival meant that her lungs didn't get squeezed as much as they needed to be and she required a bit of suction to help her breathe easier. Her very quick arrival also meant that I needed a few stitches - another place where having the epidural would have been nice. Getting a shot of lidocaine right after giving birth is no picnic, but I survived. :-)
My mom arrived right about now. I can't begin to tell you how bad I feel that she missed the birth because we waited too long to call her. Never in a million years did I imagine Hadley would be born so fast. I'm so grateful that she was able to be there for her granddaughter's first minutes of life though!
Hadley settled into this world seamlessly. She was brought back to me after the nurses declared her perfect and we had the most precious skin-to-skin time. Hadley nursed like crazy for the first 40 minutes then fell asleep and stayed asleep for the next few hours.
5:30am:
During this bonding time all the nurses left, the lights were dimmed, and quiet swept into the room. After the frantic {and frankly, frightening} experience of her birth I was left with my head spinning, a baby in my arms, and the feeling like I'd missed a step. This was all very unlike what I was expecting, but that's ok. At the end of the day I was left with the most perfect angel sent straight from heaven - and that's all any expectant mom can want.
As far as my natural birth is concerned - would I do it again?
Honestly, sure.
{I can't believe I just said that - ha!}
It was painful, but at the end I felt like a superhero. Seriously, people, if I can do that I can do anything. I kept feeling like my hospital room door should have been marked with a big gold star or something - lol. It is so empowering to do something that, only hours earlier, I would have denied being capable of.
But...if we have a 3rd child I'll decide then. :-)
Hadley's birth wasn't what I was expecting, but I think that's more or less the nature of birth. I'm fine, Hadley's fine and that's all I need.
Hadley Fern, you are now 11 weeks old and I can't
imagine our family without you. You're the biggest blessing God could
give us. We love you sweet girl - life has amazing things in store for
you. Can't wait to see who you grow into from here!
i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,
my darling)...
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings
