from three to four: adding hadley

A few weeks ago I posted about how Asher has been adjusting to Hadley joining our family. I wanted to update on him a little and also share how this BIG adjustment has been affecting me.
Asher has kind of reached a standstill in loving Hadley. Or maybe it's gotten a little worse. :-(
Occasionally the 3 of us will be out and a stranger will ask Asher "oh, is this your baby sister?" and he'll just stare at the floor or look at me. No answer. No excitement or pride to speak of. The same thing happens at home if I ask him about her - no answer, no interest. He shows zero desire to hold her, hug or kiss her.

On the other hand, today I picked him up from his class before I got Hadley from the nursery {we were at church} and he probably asked me 10 times "where's Hadley?" "where's the baby?". He seemed really concerned that she wasn't with me - yay!

There have still only been a couple times when he's been outright jealous and mean to her. We've talked through that and for the most part he's content to ignore her. Not my favorite, but it has to get better eventually, right??

So, how has going from 1 child to 2 been for me?

To sum it up in one phrase: Balancing Act

I can't tell you how many times a day I'm asking myself who to serve first.

Who can wait a few more minutes?

Do I feed the baby now and leave Asher in his room {even though he's awake}?

Do I make Asher's lunch and postpone Hadley's nap {even though she's exhausted already}?

When it was just Asher the choice was easy - whatever he needed I did. It was nap time? We came home and he'd nap. With Hadley life isn't so simple. It might be her nap time, but it's also Asher's gym class. She needs rest and Asher needs to run around with his friends - who gets what they need? I am constantly deciding who's needs trump the other at any given moment.

In the past 4 months we've started to develop a pretty good rhythm around here. Everyone is learning to be patient and I'm learning that if the baby cries a little it won't hurt her {and can't be helped}. I am so very grateful that Hadley is an easy going baby. If she was high strung or colicky I'm not sure where we'd be right now. Probably in a padded room somewhere. :-)

I love, love having Hadley. With Asher I was very concerned about following all of the "baby rules" I'd read in the books and it stole a lot of my joy. With Hadley I know that everything will work out in time. She eats well, sleeps well, and will get her naps regulated eventually. Nothing I do or don't do is going to ruin her, so I'm trying to be flexible and simply enjoy having her here! I know this time around just how fast the baby stage flies by and I intend to cherish it.

Would it be easier if Asher wanted to interact with her? I guess I can't know for sure, but my hunch is yes. So many times it feels like I'm parenting 2 separate families, rather than my 2 children from the same family - if that makes sense.

All in all, going from one child to two is challenging in most of the ways that I expected. It isn't easy, but is getting easier and that's encouraging. I love these two so much - I can't imagine not having them both!

{although I might need longer arms for these self-portraits...}