knockers for the greater good

**I want to preface this post by saying that you'll see a familiar word spelled strangely here. That's not out of any shame on my part, but completely to keep the weirdos out there from Google-ing said word and finding this blog. **

Last night was my bre@stfeeding information class.

I don't know about you, but what I've heard from other people about lactation consultants is that they are {typically} pretty mean. We're talking hard nosed ladies who won't hesitate to smear the guilt and condemnation thick like zinc oxide on any woman who doesn't (or can't) feed her baby au natural.

For 18 months.

While working full-time.

Theseare the ladies who make Stalin look like a tender hearted puppy lover.

Look, I'm not saying it's true, this is just what I've been told.

Needless to say, I went into the class with a tiny grain of fear.

I plan to bre@stfeed, but what if she grills me on the specifics? What if I don't hold the dolls correctly? What if I admit that the whole idea makes me a little squeamish?

CAN SHE DECLARE ME UNFIT?

Oh gosh. This is stressful.

Panic attacks aside...the class went really well!

Despite all of these prejudices other people {kindly} gave me, I decided to calm the heck down and save judgment for myself. I'm really happy to say that I found our instructor to be super nice and informative!

Of course her main objective was to encourage bre@stfeeding...that's why I was there in the first place anyway. I didn't need any convincing, just some practical tips and we got lots of those.

Although I do have to say that some of the handouts we received were pretty hilarious. It honestly looked like some of the hand-drawn bre@sts and babies came from someone's "blind sketch" turn during a game of Cranium.

That aside, I'm actually looking forward to the visit from a lactation consultant after the bean is born. I know that I'm prepared mentally now, but physically could be another matter entirely.

Now if I can only find some decent nursing bras without losing my mind or the baby's college fund, we'll be all set.

tours and cravings

Last night Drew and I got a tour of the Maternity floor at our hospital. It was technically the last class in our Childbirth Education series. Yay!

I had very mixed feelings while we were walking around.

On one hand, it was reassuring to get a lot of my many, many questions answered. It was good to see where we'll go and what things look like.

On the other hand, it was pretty unnerving to see where we'll go and what things look like.

The labor rooms are very utilitarian (and very medical). Sure, there are rocking chairs and a t.v. but overall it's fairly cold and, well, a hospital. We've been planning to labor at home for as long as possible and this trip solidified that idea for me. I can't imagine spending 12+ hours in one of these rooms.

Hopefully I will be able to tough it out in the comfort of my own home until the bean is well on his way. We'll see. The plus side of the hospital room is that they have the epidural machine permanently set-up next to the labor beds.

:o)

Another great thing about L&D is that while we were there we heard the unmistakable cry of a new little one entering the world. I got all wrapped up in the sterility of my surroundings that I forgot for a minute what happens on this side of the floor.

My baby will arrive here! I love it!

Then we strolled over to the recovery side where I'll spend 2-4 days getting settled with the bean. It was so much better!

This whole area was a lot warmer (carpeted, pretty wallpaper, etc) and relaxed. We still saw all of the medical equipment available in the rooms, but it wasn't nearly as scary. All of the rooms are private (HUGE plus!) and they even have an extra bed in each room for Dad to stay the nights, if he wants.

Tonight is our very last class of any kind...Breastfeeding 101.

To celebrate the end of classes, Drew and I are meeting at Steak 'N Shake beforehand for some dinner. I'm starving for it already! I think the bean must be having a growth spurt because I'm hungry all. the. time.

Yay for milkshakes and fries! {Gotta keep baby healthy}

a lesson in tolerance

I think it was quite thoughtful of whoever designed our childbirth education classes to entitle the second class "Comfort Options" as opposed to what it truly is, "Pain Endurance."

Last night Drew and I attended our 2nd of 5 classes in preparation for the bean's arrival. We went over a lot of good material including breathing exercises, massage and manipulation that the coach can do, and things the hospital offers to make the mom more comfortable (namely, DRUGS).

I'm really torn on the whole issue of whether to go for the narcotics and/or epidural or not. The thing is, I know that if I go in with the mindset of "I definitely want some" then I probably won't make it as long without any relief.

The more I'm learning about the different drugs, the less I like the idea. Obviously, I've never been in labor before and have no idea what it will be like, so I'm certainly not one to judge anyone else's decision. If you want an epidural or even general anesthesia -- go for it!

The thing that scares me are the side effects. I tend to get drowsy and disoriented from cough syrup, so when the instructor started telling us how Nubain can make you sleepy and "unaware" of how much pain there is I got nervous. The last thing I want is to be completely loopy and miss the miracle of my baby's birth.

Likewise, with an epidural you don't have any pain (yay!) but....you don't have any pain. This could be bad because the pain is what propels you to know when to push and how to push. If you can't feel anything below the chest how in the world are you suppose to push effectively??

On the other hand, I'm really not interested in making this the worst experience of my life. I want to welcome my baby with as much awareness and rest as I can, which an epidural could provide.

I'd love to hear from any Mom's who have been through it! Did you take the drugs or epidural? How did that color your birth experience?

Also, in a very small voice with my head down in shame, I need to make a confession. Remember the woman I mentioned last week who doesn't know the gender of her baby and wants a natural childbirth?

Well, she shared with us last night that she's allergic to all "-caine" drugs. You know, novocaine, benzocaine, etc. Specifically all of the drugs that do into the epidural cocktail. She still wants a drug-free birth, but can't have an epidural because she'll die if they inject all of that into her back.

Oops, sorry.

You can do it, friend! Natural all the way!

I'm not sure what I want to do...but I am definitely glad to have options.

random friday funny

Who needs the Sunday paper?

I've got your funnies right here.

Actually, I've got your funny here. Only 1 story today, sorry.

Of course, it stems out of our childbirth class. I have a feeling I'll be getting a lot of good blogging material from those classes over the next 5 weeks.

Did you know that my sister, Erin, is running a marathon this weekend?!

I'm so excited for her! She's been training for a really long time and will do amazing at it, I'm sure. Unfortunately, the race is in Baltimore (and we're in Cleveland) so I won't be able to actually be there cheering her on.

However, there are A LOT of people who will be there cheering her and the other runners towards the finish line.

To this goal, the organizers of the Baltimore Marathon posted some recommended "Cheer Words" on their website (in case you need some help figuring out what to yell as 100s of exhausted people run past you).

Some suggestions include:

1) “Way to Run”
2) “Awesome”
3) “Looking Strong”
4) “Looking Good”
5) “Enjoy Baltimore”
6) “You Can Do It”
7) “You’re Flying”
8) “Keep it Up”

At the bottom of the list there was a very specific note that read,

NOTE: Unless you are at the Stadium near the finish line, please DO NOT cheer “Almost there”, “Not far to go” etc. After running 26 miles, “almost there” is a few hundred feet from the finish line.

At this point you might be wondering what in the world this has to do with childbirth classes.

Well, let me tell you.

I received the email from Erin sharing all of this info on Wednesday morning. On Wednesday evening Drew and I attended our first class.

At class, the instructor was giving the coaches some advice and very specifically told them:

Never, ever say to her that she's "almost there" or "so close." When you've been in labor for hours, being "almost there" is when you can see the baby's face and recognize Uncle Harold's ears. No time before.

Obviously this wasn't meant to be funny, but I almost starting laughing out loud. It was so similar to the admonishment the Marathon organizers put out there that I couldn't help but find it funny.

Now that I think about it, childbirth is a bit like a marathon.

Except that you can't really train ahead of time.

And they won't let you drink water or eat snacks while you're in the middle of it.

And you get a baby at the end instead of one of those silver blankets.

whatever happened to the stork?

Drew and I had our first childbirth education class last night!



There are 7 other mothers in the class and one of them is also due on December 19th. What a funny coincidence! It would be great if we end up seeing each other on the Labor and Delivery floor at some point in December.

It turns out that my (subtle) competitive nature came out a little last night.

I know I should just be focused on the bean and myself, but really, listen to this. First of all, this other 12/19 mom-to-be doesn't know the gender of her child. That was my plan originally and I totally gave into my curiosity and found out.

Strike one for Emily.

Then she leads off her introduction by saying that she wants to have a completely natural childbirth.

Dang her. Now I feel compelled even more than I did before class to give that a shot (and not be a wimp like I was in the ultrasound room).

I'm sure she's a perfectly nice person -- hopefully we can be friends. :o)

Ok, onto the good stuff.

Last night we spent the class going over the stages of labor. I thought that this was a really good overview. There are a lot of terms I hear all the time, but didn't really understand. Now Drew and I have a sheet that tells us the signs of early labor and when to pack it up and head to the hospital.

Honestly, that was one of my top concerns. I really don't want to be one of those overreacting people who show up at 1 cm dialated and get sent back home.

With this attitude I'll probably end up giving birth on Interstate 480 because we waited too long.

Oh well.

The other big thing was....the birth movie. Oh my. This is one thing I would have done differently in the class. If you're going to show a graphic (but realistic) film about childbirth to a bunch of pregnant women you really should follow it up with a trip to the nursery.

Can't we have some encouragement that says, "sure, you're going to have that happen to you...but then you get one of these!"

I had actually seen a birth video before, so it wasn't too shocking to me (do you ever really get used to it?), but it was Drew's first time. He seemed a little traumatized and asked if he could just "not look."

That was going to be my exact recommendation.

When we were paying for the class on the way out I tried to add on a little something to reserve a stork for our big day. After seeing that video and hearing about the hours of labor I was all about having an alternative plan.

But it turns out they're all booked up.

I just know that natural birthing blonde with the genderless baby got the last one.